Personal Narrative Writing at Brevity Magazine
1. Go to brevitymag.com
2. Choose a personal narrative to read.
3. In the comment box below summarize the narrative you chose and explain how the author uses narrative strategies to explore a theme. (Narrative strategies include narrative point of view, narrative voice, plot (an arranged sequence of events), structure, characterization, setting, vivid and suggestive imagery, significant objects (and/or symbols), dialogue, etc.) Due by class time Monday, September 22.
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4. Then, read what your peers have written in the comment box. Based on what you read choose another personal narrative to read at brevitymag.com.
5. Now, respond to what a peer has written about the story with a comment of your own. The comment should be substantial, which means it should demonstrate an understanding of the story and an understanding of your peer's comment, while also offering something significant and new. Due by class time Tuesday, September 23.
(Remember that our goal here is to understand what makes personal narratives work (or not work), so we can write effective analyses and write our personal narratives.)
When browsing through the memoirs, I ended up choosing to focus on, “This Moment”, written by Adriana Paramo. In this memoir, Paramo talks about the time her daughter attempts to end her own life. She focuses in on the hospital after her daughter tries to kill herself but does not succeed. Paramo answers the social workers questions and talks about the house she lives in with her daughter. Then Paramo is told that her daughter will be put in suicide watch at a facility. At this time her mother sees her daughter come out of the hospital and step into the van, watching it as it drives off and then falling down and crying. One of the first most noticeable narrative strategies the author uses is the tone. Through just reading the text and not recognizing the tone, it would sound more like she thought her daughter was crazy, or had issues, but through Paramo using a confused and shocked tone. She does this through repeatedly asking questions to herself, and also, in the text it constantly seems like she is ignoring the social workers who are asking her questions. She characterizes them as almost the background music to her thoughts, which also shows she is still in a state of aftershock. When writing about her thoughts and the questions she is asking herself, everything is jumbled and confused because she is trying to find the answer to a question she cannot find. She also says how she wants to comfort her daughter but can not because she cannot get herself to say it, exhibiting a rattled and baffled tone. This tone shows her helplessness and inability to help her daughter, but she does not understand why. In the last sentence though, Paramo uses an object to reveal the theme behind this memoir. It is a jagged rock that digs into Paramo’s shin as she falls to the ground crying when her daughter drives away. Although she cries, “Not for my daughter over whom I have lost complete control, but for the manageable thing.” She cries because if she cannot solve a problem that is plausible to solve, how will she begin to be able to help her daughter, the unsolvable problem, the issue that seems never to be able to be resolved, leading directly into the theme of the memoir. Trying to solve a large problem at once is impossible, unless you solve the smaller, ones first. Paramo is trying to say that she knows right now she cannot help her daughter because she cannot even begin to solve the tiniest little bumps in her road to returning her daughter to a healthy state.
ReplyDeleteI like the choice of your memoir and the way you described it. A small adjustment may be to break apart your summary and analysis just for format. Besides that you did an excellent job analyzing the piece. I agree with how you thought the mother was in a state of shock and how she constantly asked herself questions trying to identify and fix her daughter’s problem. I think that instead of treating the social workers as white noise she attempted to put up a front that she had some control of the situation. Like when she was dealing with the nurse and assumed the nurse was thinking on her job as a parent. She tried to seem like she knew what to do put those very thoughts sent her a bit more into a panicked state of mind. Just wanted to add that thought, but I think you did a truly terrific testament to the memoir.
Delete“An Open Letter to the 5th Grader Bullying My 4th Grade Son on the Playground” by Ted Kluck is a piece or writing I found very interesting. It is a letter written by a fourth grader’s father directed at a fifth grader who had been bullying his son. Kluck, the father in this case, starts out by showing Daniel, the bully, that he understands why he would find it funny to bully a boy with the last name Kluck. Then Kluck gets into detail about how as a kid, he was also bullied because of his name. He fixed all of his issues through sticking up for himself by fighting whoever found his pain hilarious. Kluck also points out that like himself as a child, his own son practices fighting and is taught to stand up for himself. He points out that if a fifth grader ever got beat up by a fourth grader named Tristan Kluck; he would most likely be the laughing stock of the school. He ends the letter by saying Tristan is a kinder person than his father was as a child, but he has the ability to fight if he ever needed to.
ReplyDeleteKluck uses many strategies in his letter to get his point across to a fifth grader without sounding like “just an angry father.” He cleverly sets up his letter by starting out with his own understanding of being bullied and carries on by stating how his son also fights, and finally how his son is kind, but has the physical abilities to fight. The sequence of information Kluck uses is so he can show Daniel that he has given his own son permission to fight Daniel if he wanted to. By doing so, Kluck hopes to inform Daniel that he has made it so Tristan will not be afraid of getting in trouble for fighting a bully. Kluck also uses both formal and informal diction in his letter. Using formal and more intelligent sounding words might actually cause Daniel to realize adults know about his bullying. He may also have to turn to his own parents and ask what certain words mean, causing his parents to read the letter and see that he had been bullying at school. Using informal words and phrases such as “get your ass kicked” actually catches the attention of a fifth grade boy and would make him feel threatened by Tristan. Another huge strategy Kluck uses is asking questions. Kluck asks Daniel many times why he is bullying, what he thinks will happen, and what consequences may take place. These questions allow Daniel to actually think about what he has done and if he wants to carry on bullying any longer. Using all of these educational strategies in his letter allows Kluck to sound meaningful and serious, without actually saying anything harmful.
The memoir I read was called “Shame” by Amy Monticello. It was about a young woman who stole her roommate’s boyfriend. She starts off the story by stating this very fact saying, “I stole another woman’s boyfriend once.” The story goes on to explain how her roommate eventually caught them and moved out, but Amy stayed with her roommates now ex-boyfriend. She explains how the relationship wasn’t good and they fought constantly, but that they stayed together because they really didn’t want the pain they caused her roommate to be in vain. Eventually they did break it off, but the memory of stealing her roommate’s boyfriend haunted Amy. She represents this haunting with a dining table that her roommate left her. No matter where the author goes the table follows her just as the guilt follows her. She continues her life and moves on to find a husband and have a baby, but the guilt never leaves her no matter how much she grows as a person. At the end of the story she says that she will continue to keep the table because it does feed her guilt, but it also teaches a lesson and is a big reason the author is who she is today. They will use the table in her new life and show that bad things from the past should not be forgotten but be used to improve yourself, give hope for a better future, and to grow as a person.
ReplyDeleteSome narrative strategies that the author uses to make this piece effective are plot sequence and symbols. The author uses plot sequence in a couple of different ways. She starts off by simply stating one of the most important pieces in the story stating, “I stole another woman’s boyfriend once.” This gives the reader a sense that this is a really important piece to pay attention to, makes the reader wonder about why and how she stole another woman’s boyfriend, and gives a sense that the author states this first because it is something that she needs to get off of her chest so she will no longer feel guilty. The rest of the plot continues in chronological order, but keeps going back to her stealing her roommate’s boyfriend which shows that even though her life will continue to advance and move on, she can never truly escape the guilt of what she has done. Symbols are also a very big piece of this story. The biggest symbol is her roommates table. When her roommate moves out, the author continues to keep the table. Even as the author’s life continues, she brings the table with her. She can’t let go of it, just like she can’t let go of her guilt. It haunts her and reminds her of what she did making her feel horrible on her first date with her husband where she says, “Being with him made me nervous, certain as I was that he wouldn’t—he shouldn’t—love me.” She feels this way because she just keeps carrying around that guilt with her and even on this date the table is right in front of her, reminding her of what she has done and making her feel like she’s not good enough to deserve love. The table’s symbol becomes a more positive one by the end of the book being used less as a reminder of what she did, but of how she can live through it and become a better person because of it. “But it will always be the table we shared as a new family, a reason for hope despite all I’ve done to eschew it, despite all I’ve done for love.” This shows the hope for a better future even with the pain from the past. These strategies were highly effective and made me feel as if I was growing and learning with the author.
Great Analysis Caitlin!! I really liked how you really go into depth in explaining how the narrative strategies were used in the story. It was very clear and precise which was easy to follow along to the story and your thought about it. I feel that when explaining the story you really understand it which makes your analysis really insightful because it makes it seem more reliable. You usage of the strong quotes were great when showing how she used symbols; I just wished you showed more symbols besides the obvious one. There is so much that the story can be interpreted to and I think that there is a lot more symbolism such as the boyfriend and the setting, which could have been talked about. You did a great job explaining the memoir which got me interested to go back and read it. After reading it I still think that there is a lot of information that you could have used to make your points even stronger. Overall great job with it, hope it helped :-)
Delete“Code Talkers” by Elizabeth Maria Naranjo starts with the her discussing her encounters with her brother and his music, and how the music is loud and powerful, with a diversity of subjects. The scene then cuts to about a year later, and the brother is missing, with broken records scattered in her brother’s room. The police are unable to help. Naranjo is left with some of her brother’s music, and she studies it in hopes of finding a way to connect to him.
ReplyDeleteThis memoir is written in first person, which is an important part understanding the narrator. The reader is restricted to understanding the events and environment through only Naranjo’s eyes, so that it is easier to understand the thoughts and feelings she has. For example, she writes, “He’s been gone for weeks, and I know this time he’s not coming back.” This shows that she has either an honest and pessimistic approach on the disappearance of her brother. She never spoke anything like this out loud, so the only way for it to be expressed is through her thoughts. Another narrative strategy in the memoir is the use of significant objects, particularly the brother’s music. Initially, it appears simply as a pastime. But then the author depicts it as a language, or a way of expressing ideas. “I know he’s sharing things with me that he can’t say out loud. He talks less than he used to.” To me this means her brother has the music do more of the talking for him. This connects to later in the narrative, where Naranjo recognizes an alleged evil message hidden in Led Zeppelin's “Stairway to Heaven”. She knows her brother isn’t evil, so she denies that his music speaks of evil things. This shows that regardless of how or why the brother went missing, he is still cared about by his sister. Naranjo also thinks her brother may be speaking to her when the song says that you can always change roads, so she believes that it is possible that her and her brother’s roads will meet someday. “Code Talkers” shows how music can be a language that can be used to speak when the person cannot.
Josh, I really enjoyed your analysis of “Code Talkers” and it made me think about narrative strategies that I don’t normally acknowledge. For example, I had yet to take note on how the perspective in which the story is written affects the reader, and after reading the passage, I agree with what you have said. Furthermore, there is one aspect in your analysis I may suggest correcting. You say that the music was a significant object, however it is not exactly tangible. A significant element may be the proper term you were shooting for, but I understood your point nonetheless. One particular jump I enjoyed within the passage was how the author transitioned the first two paragraphs starting with “I’m eleven” and “I’m twelve.” I feel she does this to emphasize how drastic a one year change can be, and allows the reader to relate. The first paragraph is there to build the relationship she had with her brother but also serves to exaggerate the jump. I also admire the direct abruptness the author has at one point when she says “There’s this smile on his face, and I remember how, not long ago, I read my diary out loud to my brother, and he didn’t laugh once.” It is such a random sentence, transitioning from what was happening that dreadful day, to an almost contradicting memory of her brother. This strategy is similar to the one utilized within the paragraphs because it highlights just how different the times are for the reader. It allows the reader to actually stop and think about how this memory might have surfaced and to have a similar thought process to the character rather than just perceiving the events as they happen, it makes it more personal and allows the reader to become more absolved in the memory. In conclusion, your enlightenment of the passage made it quite an interesting read and I enjoyed utilizing the methods you pointed out to discover more than what you mentioned.
DeleteI found that you did a very good job of explaining the sisters view on her brother. It is apparent that the sister is very concerned about whether her brother is evil because of the way he acts. You talked a lot about how her brothers music is used as a language for the brother to communicate with. When I read the narrative, on point that really stood out to me was when the sister would listen to "Stairway to Heaven" (awesome song) over and over again. It seemed to me like she was trying to learn something from the song. It was almost like she thought that if she learned the song enough and payed attention that she would learn something that her brother also already knew that might allow her to find him. I sounds like the story is trying to indicate that music is a connection that can be made between people, something that can allow them to share ideas and let them all in on secrets. Music talks a lot more than just lyrics in this narrative. It seems like he world of music is a whole different world, a whole different language.
DeleteI read the narrative “Extinctions” by Gretchen VanWormer. This story explores loss and how different people deal with it or don’t deal with it. The story opens with the mother of Theresa, the girl who died, going over to the author’s house and giving her a toy of her daughter’s to remember her by. VanWormer doesn’t know what to think about it or Theresa’s death. She puts the stuffed animal on the top of her bookshelf and eventually throws it away. Only later does she realize how difficult a time this was for Theresa’s mother and understands the depth of her loss.
ReplyDeleteThe story starts off with “Theresa’s mother is crossing the street, carrying two stuffed animals in her arms, and this is the most apocalyptic thing my mom has ever seen.” This first sentence jumps the reader right into a world where something awful has just happened. Two things, like someone’s mother carrying stuffed animals and the apocalypse wouldn’t be compared in a normal situation, but this juxtaposition shows the loss and sadness Theresa’s mother felt and the author’s mother understood. VanWormer, as a little girl doesn’t understand how to process her feelings of grief or understand loss yet. The diction used also puts distance between the author and the incident of the death. She describes Theresa’s home as “exotic” and like “Antarctica.” This shows how she is separated from her feelings about the death. She also puts the stuffed animal she is given up really high in her room to put space between her and it. This adds again to her putting her feelings at the back of mind and not dealing with them yet. She also chooses to throw away the stuffed animal. Some sentences in this part of the narrative are short and to the point. They are blunt and show facts, no emotion. This adds to the story because she must be feeling some emotion but is choosing not to show or explain it. She is not dealing with her loss and can't understand quite what she is going through. By not explaining anything, she shows the confusion and turmoil of loss and how difficult it is to deal with, especially for children. The story then jumps time periods, to the author as an adult, adding to the fact that grief doesn’t disappear, you just learn how to understand and deal with it. She compares Theresa’s mother standing with an empty room to extinct animals adding to the sense of finality and absoluteness of death. She finally explains how Theresa’s mother must have felt all those years ago, because VanWormer finally understands loss and can respect the time it takes to heal. Having this thought as the last sentence was a really strategic choice, because it is the end of her figuring out her loss and is also the end of the story, showing the finality of her thoughts and understanding in a physical way. It strikes the reader and leaves them with an idea of how loss and grief take a while to process through, and can only be understood, not boxed up in the mind and forgotten.
In the short personal narrative “This Moment” by Adriana Paramo the scene is a mother dealing with her daughter being put into a suicide watch center. The mother then begins to question her decision making and looks at all of the things she may of done wrong, whether they may be reasonable or not. She even asks herself was it where they moved to and if it would have been worth it to stay in their asbestos filled home. Her daughter is taken in a van by the nurse and counselor who are called after she takes 100 Ibuprofen. The mother after all of her thinking realizes once she is on her knees in the middle of the street watching, with a rock sticking into her leg, the van drive away, that she needs to focus on the pain that she can actually fix, not the pain that is out of her control. In the story, Paramo starts off by not really telling you a lot, just laying out the situation. She also uses questions as a strategy throughout the entire story, starting with four in a row to end the second paragraph. The questions are used to get the reader to begin to see how they situation automatically turns the blame and doubts on the parents and the home life of a said mentally ill child. The line “maybe the asbestos and the mold would have glued the seams of our lives” shows how the mother begins to question if the bad would have been good, and uses these things to explain the confusion a parent feels when their child tries to commit suicide. This feeling is approached by the mother by thinking of all of the possibilities and possible wrong doings done by her recently. In the next paragraph Paramo uses single word sentences to end the paragraph. This is done for emphasis and to make these words stronger. She is trying to ask her daughter to let them get through this together and wants those words to be noticed, by the reader and her daughter. How Paramo structures the story gets you to feel for the situation and become attached and concerned. The emotional attachment that she gets through expressing her pain and confusion genuinely to the reader makes the story easier to be engaged and interested in.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the personal narrative that you chose to write about. I was actually going to write about this one before I came across “Three Oranges”, the narrative I ended up writing about. I did notice how many questions she asks throughout the narrative and I see how she is blaming herself for her daughter’s suicide attempt. Everything that you mentioned the author did in this story had to do with emphasis and one more thing that the author does in this narrative to ass a lot more emphasis is a lot of listing. In every single paragraph she always has a list of something, whether it is an actual list or she is just listing off different details about her environment. When she isn’t listing things she is adding commas everywhere and this gives the effect of a build up or tension throughout the entire narrative. Whenever you are forced to pause during a reading you are able to think about what you just read before you continue and this is what the author of the narrative wants you to do. She wants you to comprehend and understand everything she is saying about her daughter and what is happening. One connection between her listing and the points you brought up is in the questions that she is always asking throughout the narrative. Like you said she ends the second paragraph with a list of questions. She does this again to add emphasis and tension for the reader to be able to fully understand what she is saying.
Delete“Girl Fight” by Joey Franklin
ReplyDeleteThis short memoir is about a boy in the sixth grade who is “going out” with a girl who is larger than the average girl. He is then made fun of because of this, and retaliates and ends up in a situation that leaves him embarrassed and emotionally torn, crying on the ground.
I believe that the author was trying to focus upon the theme where children struggle with the pride of fitting in and being themselves. For the majority of the passage, the author uses long, complex sentence structures with many commas. This is to allow the reader to have a better visual of the setting as it unfolds. Furthermore, these long sentences for the majority of the passage highlight when shorter and more blunt sentences are used. These short and blunt sentences create tension within the tone, for example “Marty stood by the flagpole. Boys who’d spilled out of the double doors to watch chuckled.” The perspective of the entire passage is written from the point of view from a sixth grader, yet at the same time he ties in his current thought and insights looking back at the event to highlight the drasticity of the situation from a child’s eyes so we may sympathize with him. At one point he assigns personification to dialogue when he says, “I knew that insult would hang in the air, as insults do, and make the other boys gasp and shudder as it slowly settled into the ground around us.” to help realize how severe the words are. Furthermore, he also uses dashes to clarify and build upon how an action is carried out in the text so that the reader has to stop and read it abruptly. When he is injured, the mind of the child goes from being proud to vulnerable in a matter of secods which emphasizes how fragile he actually was, and this was also exaggerated when the coach chastised him for doing so. Finally at the end, the two sides of the child’s mind conflicts and he his at a loss of what to do because throughout the whole text, he is switching between two mindsets that finally collide in the end, leaving the reader with sympathy to his situation, which they may be able to identify in children they know or from their own childhood.
I love your response to the memoir Emily. I actually read this story while choosing my story and I really enjoyed it, I just didn’t quite know how to tackle it. You have done a much better job than I have. The way that you analysed the sentence structure was very clever. The way that the author uses the commas to separate the sequences was a very good way to show the plot taking place. I like how you commented on the blunt sentences too, that was another thing that I also found to be a really effective strategy. I didn’t just think it added tension, but showed the uncomplicated hate from the kids. He uses the short sentences to represent the kid’s short, or small, understanding of the situation. They are just children so they are not going to think complexly about the situation and these short sentences prove that. I also like how you pointed out the personification. That sentence was really powerful in my opinion and I like how you directly quoted it. I also noticed how the author was bluntly obvious with words like “fat”. This is so blunt and painful I think it really shows the harsh judgement of the children. Good job!
DeleteThe narrative that I chose to read was “Three Oranges” by Tami Mohamed Brown. The narrative starts with the narrator telling you how she doesn’t remember much about her day but then she goes on to describe an encounter with a man in perfect detail. She describes the setting and tells the readers how it was just the two of them and the rush hour traffic. She tells about the conversation they had after he approached her and started to speak to her. He asked if she had twine or anything resembling twine which she replies saying that she doesn’t, but she did have an orange. He asks her if she thinks he looks like a bum but she just tells him that he looks like he had a tough day. He then asks her if he would see something terrible if he was able to look at himself from the outside and she tells him that no one would think he was terrible with the clear eyes he had. Then he crosses the street and she throws the orange to him and he yells to her that if he had three oranges he would juggle for her. Before walking away he tells her that we are all one step away from this while pointing to himself.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed while reading this narrative was the tone of voice the author used throughout the entire story. While most people would think it would be very strange to have a random stranger come up to them on the street during the evening would be very creepy the author never suggests through her tone that she is scared or in any way alarmed by this strange man. She keeps her tone casual throughout the entire narrative and it makes it seem like instead of the man being a creepy stranger the readers see him as a normal man, even friendly. Another thing that I noticed was that the very first paragraph of the narrative isn’t about the story but instead it is just the author telling the readers that she doesn’t remember many things that happen to her throughout the day. Because this is the first paragraph you as a reader don’t understand the significance, but once you continue reading you see that her encounter with this man was something significant that happened to her because she is able to recall very vivid details about the entire encounter. Another thing that I noticed about the narrative was the setting. The author describes the setting as a bus stop in the evening across from a used car dealership. She also says how there was only the two of them and the rush hour traffic. I thought that the way she described the setting contrasted with her tone of voice throughout the entire narrative. If you just stop reading after she describes the setting you can’t help but think that the man is not a good man and that something bad might happen. But, like I previously said her tone of voice never hints at the man being some creepy man who is up to no good. She never uses harsh words about him and by the end of the narrative he actually seems like a good man.
I really agree with you about the tone of the author in this story. She sounds as though she is talking to a friend, instead of someone she just met and really reveals something about her character. It shows that she doesn’t judge people based on their looks and tries to see them for who they really are. I also agree with you on what you said about the ending. You said that the writing hinted at the man about to do something bad at first, and that he was creepy, but then once the conversation starts between the two the whole point of the story is revealed, she shows that not much separates him from someone “normal”. The fact that she was able to point good qualities out to this man that has had a hard life shows that she doesn’t think that all of the “creepy” people are bad. Only that they have fallen on hard times. I think another point of this story was to realize how lucky you are if you have a good life, it is easy to get down and be beaten up by life. This is shown again when the man is also willing to be kind and take the best out of his situation and I think that adds to the point the author is making about how to look at life. She thinks that you can take the best in any situation. This is shown when she offers up an orange when she doesn’t have string, and when the man pretends to juggle when he doesn’t have enough fruit. These two little moments really add to the story and the author's message on how to deal with hard times.
Delete“Mackerel” by Kirk Nesset starts out with a summary of the setting. The story begins by discussing the current time of year and how there is very little going on in the world. The boy is on a fishing trip with his older brother and his father for his birthday. The father immediately gets a fish on his line and reels him in. The little boy also has a fish on his line but it frees itself and swims away. The father tries to help his son by telling him to concentrate. There is a mention of fog and as time passes the fog thickens and so does the boy’s nausea. The boy looks down and sees his father and brother’s catch, which comprises of 5 fish. The biggest fish is caught by the brother and is described as grotesque but also dazzlingly lovely. The fish is fighting violently, eyes filled with vigor but dying. As time passes the focus goes to the surrounding cities and even to missiles with enough power to annihilate on a colossal scale. The attention shifts back to the family who are fishing and to the brother who kicks the fish bag and screams “happy birthday” in a unkind manner, the boy throws up. The boy decides he still wants to stay and at least catch a fish. The boy holds his breath in anticipation saying to himself that something will appear better than anything else previously. However nothing comes for the boy to catch, nothing to show off as a spectacle, nothing to gaze at in awe. But something will come it will take its time, but it will come.
ReplyDeleteThe author uses a few unique narrative strategies in this passage. In the first bit the author tells the setting of the story and the year in which it takes place. He points out that there are no important events taking place, there is no assassination of the president, yet. He attempts to install a sense of nonchalantness in the reader. The author then puts the reader into the shoes of the main character, the little boy. It seems like this is an attempt to immerse the reader into the story. The boy is trying his hardest to catch this fish but he is having no luck. As this happens the story describes the mundane activities of people in the city and how they’re oblivious to a missile that could destroy them. It is the calm before the storm and it is described in a way that we have no foreboding of the future. What happens next will happen indefinitely and there is no way to change it. No matter how hard the little boy tries to catch that fish he may never do so and so is the way of the world. My perception of the author’s message is that you cannot alter or affect the future.
I like this memoir a lot and find it very intriguing. I think that your summary is a bit long because it is supposed to be paraphrasing not a retelling of the story. I do find though, that your thesis is impeccable to the passage and relates to it very well. I feel that you could have used more passages to help support your idea, but the passage you described and how it supported the thesis was very thorough. I feel like you spent enough time on backing up the thesis with the quote but you barely ever talked about the authors rhetorical strategies and how those connect to the text, and the thesis. You mention that there are rhetorical strategies, but you never really mention them, and talk about how through them the author enhances the text and connect it to the thesis. Other than that I really liked what you had to say about the piece.
DeleteStarting with the setting, the author's choice to mention that the time was before particular kidnappings and murder to me felt more like a way to really emphasize that the event was a long time ago, rather than setting a calmer mood. I do agree though that the author was really trying to put the reader in the character's place. This is especially done with the choice of second person writing. I really like your interpretation of how we cannot change our future. The citizens of the city had no idea of the missiles directed towards them, and if they were to launch, nothing would have been able to stop them. You can't gain full knowledge of the future based on what you have in the present. The boy has some idea that he won't be catching any fish, but he doesn't really know that he won't for sure.
DeleteOne thing that I would add to both of these responses, aside from not being able to change the future (which is a very good interpretation) I would also add that maybe the author is implying that you can't make your own luck. The father tells the boy that if he does certain things then he will definitely catch a fish, but like you all said, the present has nothing to do with the future, but on top of that, luck is something humans have no influence on. Also the author seems to use a lot of very short sentences. These I think are used to get the reader to read in the confused and unsure mind of the young kid. He is not catching fish and is confused, this can be seen clearly in the very short sentences in the second to last paragraph. The author also uses contradiction, things like ugly but lovely, this can also be interpreted as confusion in the mind of the young kid, from not understanding why even if he does what he is told he is not catching anything.
Delete“This Moment” by Adriana Paramo is about her experience as she stood in the emergency room with her daughter who had just attempted suicide. As the nurse questions her, Paramo is filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt. She questions the decisions she has made and wonders what had pushed her daughter over the edge.She worries about the differing meanings of home, and about how her choice of home could have been the reason for her daughter trying to take her own life. The author aches to fix her daughter’s problems and make her whole again, but her daughter refuses to let her mother in and often turns the other way. It’s made clear by the narrative that Paramo blames herself for the tragedy and wishes to help her daughter recover.
ReplyDeleteParamo uses questions throughout her memoir to show the reader what was going through her mind exactly. By posing open-ended questions, the author invites the reader to think about how to character must truly be feelings and gives them a better understanding of what is happening in the character’s mind. Casual, colloquial diction is used and the sentences are not filled with detail. This is done to show the reader the most blatant form of the story and to express how she is dealing with the situation. Fancy, descriptive language would make for a story that felt less honest, and the author wouldn’t come off as relatable. Paramo also uses very short, to-the-point sentences as a way of letting the facts drop bluntly upon the reader. By stating simple things with an immense amount of meaning, the reader can feel the intensity of what this mother is trying to show. They also bring an element of tension to what the author is trying to show. “Let’s name that which we lost along the way. Let’s bury the unnamed thing. Let’s give this thing a name and punch it square in the throat. Let’s sweep it under the rug. Let’s fix this. Together. Let’s. Do. Something.” The narrative is divided into short passages, altering between scenes of what is happening and glimpses of what the author worries about. The passages containing the action set up the situation for the reader and prove as a method of drawing out sympathy from the reader. The passages that involve Paramo reciting what thoughts are circling in her mind do a similar but heavier job of evoking empathy from the person reading. While writing from the point-of-view of the authors thoughts, she also makes lists as a way of showing to what extent her mind worries and frets over the possibilities of things that she could have done wrong as a mother.
I agree with Madison’s synopsis of This Moment. The idea that the author uses questions throughout her memoir is seen when she writes “What if this is happening because we live in the wrong house? What if we had bought the house in Auburndale instead of this one?” These question also help to establish the guilt that this mother is experiencing during this time. This rambling on of questions also suggest that the author does not know what to do in this situation. The author’s tone is almost confused, which suggests to the reader the feelings of helplessness that the author is dealing with. Madison also pointed out the structure of the memoir, where the author uses short passages to alternate between her thoughts and her surroundings. This structure seen all throughout this memoir, supports the confused tone that the author uses throughout this memoir. Páramo also uses many action words, she writes “Let’s fix this. Together. Let’s. Do. Something.” She uses many action words in her thoughts even though in this situation she is virtually useless since she really does not understand her daughter anymore, nor why she would attempt suicide. Páramo also uses horrifyingly comical language to express her helplessness, “It also had asbestos, copper plumbing and a moldy roof. Naturally, we didn’t buy it, but now I wonder if maybe a touch of mesothelioma would have kept us together; if disease would have made us more compassionate, more loving, better people.” Páramo’s thoughts of disease perhaps bringing them closer shows that she really has lost grip with the emotions of her child. At the ending of this memoir Páramo keeps referring to this “thing” that she is feeling so strongly. The way this is written makes her grief seem unbearable, something that is more than what she can really manage. These last few sentence utilizes pathos and also ends this memoirs with an overwhelming feeling of grief.
DeleteThe narrative that I chose to read is called “Cake” by Debra Gwartney. This narrative is about a depressed woman’s yearning for a slice of German chocolate cake. She is feeling lonely and unachieved, stating that she is soon to leave her husband and they were never right for each other. She isn’t too worried about being caught eating a slice of cake that is being kept for someone else so she goes ahead and eats it without demurs. Gwartney uses a lot of vivid imagery in this narrative to help the reader visualize the situation as clearly as possible. An example is when Gwartney writes “the skirt, delightedly, bounced, a dandelion parachute in flight.” This use of a metaphor to describe the characters skirt not only creates a vivid image of what the skirts movements are but also sets a peaceful, natural feeling for the reader. Gwartney is using the slice of chocolate cake as a symbol for desperation. The character in this narrative is so depressed that she is willing to humiliate her and her husband for just a little bit of pleasure in her life. The authors structure of the story is unique, instead of starting from the beginning of the story she starts right in the middle to when the character first sees the slice of cake, she then leaves the reader with a cliff hanger, stating “I had to eat it”, without the reader knowing the backstory to that slice of cake. After stating this, the author switches to the moments prior. Gwartney did a great job composing this narrative to be moving for the reader.
ReplyDeleteLiam you pointed out some good things in this narrative, I agree with the use of imagery playing a role in Gwartney's writing (especially when she describes the cake). I can't say I particularly liked this narrative just because it didn't really hold much meaning to me; it was kind of just about really wanting to eat a piece of cake and I don't even like cake. With that said though the writing itself definitely had a lot going on with all those commas. Its interesting how she went into the past and talked about her wedding and kids. I think she did that to add some empathy and to try and give the reader that sense of sensation she was feeling. I also like how you pointed out the sequence in which the narrative was written going from middle to past to present. I also just want to point out how she said "sliding out of me coated in vernix the shade of Elmer’s glue," just because I think its pretty gross sounding and it weirded me out.
DeleteIn the personal narrative “Cake” the author uses language that is not really structured that well in the way that the character is speaking. It seems almost like the language is broken as if the character doesn’t know what she wants to say. The character also talks about how the fact that she is having another baby is just no big deal. Its just another baby to add to her family. The cake in the story seems to be a getaway for the character. Something that she can focus on that doesn’t have to do with her life. The beginning of the story starts out by describing german chocolate cake. This is also how the story ends. This connection may show the true intensity of how cake relates to the character. It is something that gives her relief and happiness while everyone else wants her to be happy in the ways that they see fit, to have a husband, to have children. In the story, she refers to her husband as “this man called husband.” This shows how she doesn’t really care for her husband because she doesn’t even recognize him as her husband. The language in this story really speaks volumes about the story's meaning.
ReplyDeleteI like how you connected the description of the slice of cake at the beginning of the story to the description at the end, this is something I actually didn’t notice my first time reading it through. This really drives home the significance of this object, and she shows this in such a short narrative. I think the cake represents her feeling of loss of control. Since getting pregnant and becoming a wife, her life has revolved around a husband and three kids. With a fourth on the way, and a marriage crumbling, she probably feels as though her life is not her own. What I felt when reading the memoir was feeling a lack of freedom from the author. Perhaps the simple act of eating the cake was her way of making a choice based on her own desires, without anybody getting in her way. She is still cautious to keep an eye out to make sure she is not seen, but just eating the cake is her small way of telling herself that her life isn’t over yet, and she can still enjoy small things like cake! I think it represents her hope for happiness. I think Gwartney also uses humor and descriptions in her narrative as a method of shining bits of hope upon the memoir throughout. Rather than the entire story using bleak language and sending off a depressing tone, she describes pleasure like sucking on honey drops and the savory German cake, as well as sprinkling in lines of humor such as “I already figured I’d be fined at the costume shop for dribbling schnitzel gravy across the pillow of fabric. I considered scrubbing the brown spot at the sink, except, once I’d noticed it, I could focus only on the cake.” These tactic are used as a way of turning what may be perceived as a story about a hopeless woman feeling lost after missing out on the “promise of a golden future”, into a memoir about her hope that a favorable future is not forever out of grasp
Delete“Cake” by Debra Gwartney was the narrative that I read. This narrative was about a young girl in her late twenties during the 1980s who was at a dinner party that occurred monthly. The young girl’s marriage was struggling to survive and by the age of twenty eight, she had already had three children, suspecting that a fourth was to come soon. At this dinner party she found an intriguing slice of cake. The young woman couldn’t help herself and she devoured the slice of cake with little to no shame or care. After finishing the cake and getting rid of any evidence, the girl goes on to wonder why she did what she did. Looking back the woman can only think of one reason, “Nothing in your life has ever tasted as suitably bitter—or as sweet.” The slice of cake was hope for the young girl, even if only a little.
ReplyDeleteDebra Gwartney uses numerous strategies throughout the memoir. The author writing in the first person was a very useful strategy. The first person is much more intimate so the reader can connect with the author to a greater extent than with other points of view. Also, you are experiencing the scene through the authors eyes and opinions with the first person narrative. The authors tone is another strategy used. Gwartney writes bluntly and gets right to the point,not wasting any time. “This was back in the late 1980s when I was a young mother in a falling apart marriage and, on this night, dining with our monthly dinner group.” The author gets right to the point, not only in this sentence but throughout the narrative. The narrative starts almost in the middle when the author finds a piece of german chocolate cake. Barely wasting time the author explains her path to finding the cake, both her literal path to the kitchen and her journey over the years to what has lead to this moment. There is some pretty interesting imagery in this narrative, “...sliding out of me coated in vernix the shade of Elmer’s glue….” The author goes on to describe the child with, “as if charged to stick their parents together.” This sentence was very interesting and with the addition of a simile this sentence really sticks with the reader. This narrative was very impressive and was written very well.
I agree that writing in first person and the tone really helped the author's narrative, Erin. I also found the imagery you talked about to be important. Also, I liked the descriptions when she was eating the cake. "I took it like a swimmer gasping for air." Everyone knows what it's like to take too big of a bite, and many know what it's like to be trying to breathe while swimming, or at least have seen a professional swimmer do it.
DeleteSlapstick by Thaddeus Gunn acquaints his readers with his abusive childhood. He does this in a very factual if not stoical manner. Gunn tells of his experiences in the first person. However, his language is not personal, nor morbid which would befit the situation, instead he uses a humorous tone to acquaint his readers with his story. Gunn's brief memoir begins abruptly, he does not use descriptive words nor states how he felt instead he writes "I don't remember every beating mom gave us." He then switches to a humorous tone, this switch almost makes the reader forget that they are reading a rather horrid memoir of Gunn's past. He goes on to list the series of techniques used by his mother. Instead of explaining each beating or going into how he felt, he utilizes lists. He does this throughout his brief memoir, from the beatings he received from his mother, to those that his grandmother had inflicted upon his own mother. These lists and his stoical tone suggests that the author may still have emotional turmoil from this point in his life. His tone and style of writing also utilizes pathos. His tone and style makes his work much more poignant, conversely, so if he had detailed the entirely of what must have been a horrifying experience. The entirely of Gunn's "Slapstick" is written in a brief chronological manner. Starting with the beatings he received and ending with how the ones his mother received affected her. This chronological sequence allows the reader to feel as if his mother got what she deserved, he then flips and shows that his mother had her own pains, which explained her actions. Gunn's chronological order makes the reader feel empathy for Gunn himself and his siblings while hating the mothers actions, the memoir then ends with both vying for the sympathy of the reader. If the order were to be flipped then the memoir would have ended with only sympathy for the children who had to suffer because their mother had suffered as a child. As Gunn ages his tone also changes, his tone moves from horrifyingly comical to bitter and stoical, he writes "Years later, when my siblings and I were all grown and had kids of our own to beat, I accompanied my mother to the doctor’s office to see the results of her CAT scan." At this point Gunn becomes bitter, which allows the reader to see the situation through Gunn's adult perspective. This tone is contradictory to his message, which is to garner sympathy for his mother. Gunn does this all throughout his memoir, he attempts to convey an idea using a tone contrary to this idea. This is displayed when Gunn tells of his abusive childhood with a humorous tone, and when he attempt to attain sympathy for his mother with a bitter tone. These contradictions in his work makes it quite poignant. His words may seem forgiving yet his tone contradicts this claim. "Slapstick" is a very poignant memoir, which uses contradictions, which questions the author’s words and motives.
ReplyDeletePerdition by Kristen Radtke is a graphic personal narrative that gives its story in seven text boxes with graphics. The narration starts off, first sentence, by telling you that her mother is dead in the bathroom. This instantly gives a terribly dark feeling to the reader and the picture portrayed is the door in which you're to believe the dead mother is in. Radtke hits you with a powering punch right off the bat to make you read on and further investigate the situation. She then goes on to write an oddly descriptive sentence about water splashing into the tub. At this point in so little words she has managed to cause so much question and confusion making her narrative intriguing. As you read on she says how her mom had drowned herself in that tub. She turns the reader’s head by then saying “she died this way a few times a week while I sat in the living room pretending to do homework.” My first thought was that the mom was doing drugs or maybe that her mom killing her self metaphorically meant something else. Point is she leaves it up for interpretation. In the narrative the mom ends up coming out of the bathroom and saying “can I get a minute to myself?” Its interesting that she causes so much question just in those seven sentences. The pictures also add their own meaning and lets there be a visual interpretation as well as a written one.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your response to this memoir Matt. I agree with your thoughts about how the author tends to create such emotion with clever details and quick change of moods. A few things I noticed that were interesting about this memoir is how the author set up her story. Instead of the typical essay or paragraph formatted piece of writing, she instead put it into more of a comic kind of story. As a reader, I was struck at first how depressing and ominous this memoir actually is. When I got thinking though, I realized that the author may have done this setup to represent real heroism. Usually when you thin of comics, one thinks of the stories of “Superman” or “Spiderman” and how those heroes save people from terrible situations. In this story, the author sort of makes that happen. The daughter actually saves her own mother from what she is doing in the bathroom. Though it is behind a closed door and the author leaves the story with the mother perfectly fine and alive, the daughter knows very well the thought s her mother contains and how harmful they are to her. Every time her mother goes in the bathroom the daughter has to be ready for what may happen, and she saves her every time by interrupting her mother.
DeleteThis is a really great memoir and I'm not surprised that you chose it Matt because it's right up your alley. You were definitely right, the author writes so vaguely that it is up to the reader to interpret what they think is really going on. I believe the most important strategy this author uses in this narrative is her use of "death" as a metaphor. It is pretty clear that the character isn't actually dieing in the bathroom on a weakly basis but the author compares what is going on in the bathroom to death and lets the reader figure out what is really happening solely based on that comparison.
DeleteThe personal narrative "Cake"by Debra Gwartney is about a woman in the 1980’s and how she regrets her life that she had chosen with her husband and wishes out. She starts the narrative by romanticizing a piece of cake and then later begins to reveal more about her life and what she really wants to do with it. She uses very descriptive language when talking about the slice of cake that she idealizes, to distract her self from the troubles that is her life. “German chocolate, layers of sodden coconut and crushed nuts bound by nectar as sweet,” she uses the descriptions to relate to the readers personal appeal so they can relate to the same desires that’s she has. The cake is also symbolic as well as her children in the passage. The narrator finds the cake out of place at a friend’s party, similar to how she is feeling and she sees the cake as subtlely forbidden due to how it was saved aside for the friend’s family. Her children in her family symbolizes how trapped she felt in her domesticated life and how she felt powerless to escape the suburban life that she acquired. She was pregnant when she had forced herself to get married and her fourth child would keep her trapped in her life for many more years to come. The symbols that the author uses creates empathy for the narrator and how she cant come to terms with how bad her life really is.
ReplyDeleteI chose the narrative "Extinctions" by Gretchen VanWormer. It was about a little girl named Theresa, who died because she had "gummy lungs". The narrator and Theresa used to play together, so when Theresa died, her mother gave the narrator and her sister each one of Theresa's stuffed animals. The narrator talks about how the stuffed animals aren't toys anymore, so she doesn't treat it like one. She puts it on her shelf, away from her other toys. Years later, she is told that she has to get rid of some of her toys, and she quickly thinks of Theresa's, so she gets rid of it. Later on, she learns of many extinct animals from long ago, and again thinks of Theresa's stuffed animal.
ReplyDeleteGretchen VanWormer uses vivid language and the mood this creates to help get her point across. One example is her describing Theresa as having "gummy lungs". This seems childish, which helps remind the reader of how young the girl was when she died. Also, the contrast between this phrase and someone's death shows how contrasting childhood and death should be, but weren't in this case. VanWormer also compares Theresa's mother to prehistoric animals. She writes about how humans easily killed off many species, because these animals had no experience with avoiding humans. VanWormer compares this to Theresa's mother, because Theresa's mother had no way of knowing how to deal with the incredible pain of loosing a child, like the now extinct animals had no way of knowing how to deal with animals. This is also ment to show how lonely she was, like an animal who was close to extinction and had lost its family.
Ariel, I liked the memoir you picked. It was really sad though, but a lot of the time stories or reflections are the most meaningful when they contain topics such as death, pain, or suffering. Sometimes we can relate to those types of stories easier than others. I agree with your analysis, especially with how you addressed the contrasts. This memoir had some powerful contradictions like you pointed out with Theresa's "gummy lungs" and death. One thing I would add is that Gretchen VanWarmer writes short and to the point sentences. “After a while, her lungs got too gummy, and she died.” This is a very short, blunt sentence that leaves very little time for reaction. This is yet another useful strategy that VanWarmer uses.
DeleteI read “Imagining Foxes”, by Brian Doyle, and I really enjoy the message of this passage, (which Brian does not make clear until the very end of his memoir). In the memoir, Brian talks about the adventures he had as a kid, with his siblings, while they played deep in the woods, imagining that there were foxes and all sorts of other animals there. Brian uses very vivid imagery, in order to allow the reader to imagine exactly what he saw, or what he imagined. This really lets the reader fully envelope themselves in his memoir, and the story he is trying to tell. Another strategy that Brian uses is, he does not let on to the lesson, or the point, he is trying to make in his memoir until the very end. Which, makes it easier for the reader to focus on the imagery in his passage, instead of having to also focus on what it all means, or why he is showing it all to us. One important object that Brian talks about is, Reynard the Fox or Old Reynard. This is a character from medieval European stories with animals as the characters. Reynard, was a very cunning and sometimes selfish character, but he was also a sympathetic hero. Brian making a reference to this character, reinforces his and his sibling shaving t imagine these foxes. Brian talks about the smells that are associated with this character, old blood and new honey, ad says that as a child, he could really smell these things, and fully believed that they were actual smells. Just like he fully imagined that there were foxes in the forest. His ability to use imagery, and the five senses to tell his story, helps the reader understand his idea that children should always be able to imagine foxes, without having to really see them.
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